Bonus Episode: Pitfalls in Business by the Enneagram Numbers - The ONE

On the Enneagram, those that lead with 1 can be counted on to GET THINGS DONE, and get them done right. On the unhealthy side, they may come across as sharp and judgemental, and may have an inner critic that "carries a hatchet." When healthy though, the 1 is a dynamic and charismatic leader, committed to the growth and productivity of their team. Listen to today's bonus episode with Linda Frazee to learn more.

Guest Information:

Linda Frazee has over 40 years of experience as a professional speaker, business consultant and executive coach. She is the author, "Full Heart Satisfied Belly," and is founder of Positive Imagery, Inc., a personal and professional development company located in Scottsdale, AZ. Her professional training is in Transpersonal Psychology and Imagery.

Join the Authentic Wisdom Community at https://www.lindafrazee.com/authentic-community

Episode Highlights:

10:31 Tell me about your internal critic. Because we all have an internal critic. I'm going to ask anybody listening on a scale of one to five, if one is a little and five is a lot, how loud and how often do you hear this internal critic? It's always there for all of us, but for a one - it's on all the time.

25:49 Ones are usually so busy that they didn't even notice they were missing serenity!

36:16 There's a universal teaching from the wisdom of the Enneagram that I like. And it says when we are able to notice what we're doing to experience our current state completely, and without judgment, the old patterns will begin to fall away. So it's when we judge ourselves that those patterns deepen.

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Linda Frazee (00:00):

When we are able to notice what we're doing to experience our current state completely. And without judgment, the old patterns will begin to fall away.

Introduction (00:11):

Welcome to the SideHustle Lounge. If you're looking for flexible ways to earn income, grow your mindset, and live the lifestyle you've always dreamed of, you are in the right place. So lower the lights. Grab your favorite beverage, and join your host, founder of NotaryCoach.com and Amazon bestselling author of “Sign and Thrive: How To Make Six Figures As A Mobile Notary And Loan Signing Agent,” Bill Soroka.

Bill Soroka (00:45):

All right. Welcome back to our bonus episodes on the Enneagram with our very special guest Enneagram expert, business coach for over 40 years with experience in working with this and coaching and speaking on the topic, Linda Frazee, welcome back, Linda.

Linda Frazee (01:06):

Hi Bill. Good to be here.

Bill Soroka (01:08):

Yeah. Today we're talking about the ones, right?

Linda Frazee (01:11):

Right. We are. And for those of you who listened to all the types so far and gone, I don't think I relate to any of these. This might be yours. One never knows. So we'll, we'll tell you all about it. So the first thing is I have an interesting fact about the Enneagram and, and that's that every type, whoever you are automatically thinks that feels that the way they do everybody else does, [unclear] automatically. And even though you might have taken the Meyers Briggs or the Disc or something along the line, and you know, that people do think a little differently, you still always imagine that everybody else is thinking the way you are. And so it's very confusing cause you're going, why are they doing that? Don't they know better. Especially if you're a one. You're going, they shouldn't be doing that. But every time has their own bias, the way we've been our whole life. And it's all we know. And we assume automatically, no matter how old you are, that everybody else is kind of thinking the same way.

Bill Soroka (02:15):

Yeah, man, I have been guilty of that for sure.

Linda Frazee (02:18):

Well, we all are, you know, but yeah. And it messes up relationships at work or at home and just friendships because it's so puzzling, like why are they thinking that way? And the reason I use that for the interesting fact for today is the ones are probably the most astounded by the fact of discovering that.

Bill Soroka (02:40):

Well, that's a perfect segue. Let's jump in and talk about the ones on the Enneagram.

Linda Frazee (02:47):

Okay. Well I want to start out by reminding everybody a little bit about the centers, because the one, this is our last one of the nine that we're talking about, but one is in the body center. That doesn't mean they have a better body. It doesn't mean that they are always exercising, although they do tend to take care of themselves, but that's not an absolute, but what it does mean is that they have an instinctive response. That's why it's called the body center when it comes to anger and in their case, in additionally doing things, right? So just a, a brief little reminder of that in this body center, there are three types. There's the one, the eight and the nine and, and each type, one of them, there's a central issue, emotional issue. And in this body center, it's anger, one type overuses, anger, which is the eight talked about them last time.

Linda Frazee (03:38):

And then the nine that we talked about, a few podcasts back under expresses anger and the one represses, the anger and they get resentful. In fact, it has been such a long term habit for the one that sometimes they don't even know that they're resentful. They, they might not, until they find the Enneagram and you know, and they might be quite mature by the time they fight it, they go, wow, that's the name for that? And speaking of names, there are several names for this one and that is called the most commonly thought perfectionist, the reformer or the judge.

Linda Frazee (04:17):

So those are kind of the names that with it. And the, the interesting thing that makes the one unique is that they are really driven. These people are very driven and there are other types on the Enneagram that also are driven. And if you look at the surface, you would say, well, if you had a three who is a performer and the one both working in an office and they are, they appear to be equally driven. And they might be equally driven. But for different reasons. Another reminder, the Enneagram is, is about motive and about why we do what we do, not what we do. And so the, the three is doing that because they're in the image triangle and they want approval. The one, well, they can do it with, or without approval. They're doing it because it's the right thing to do.

Bill Soroka (05:07):

By who standard theirs, their own?

Linda Frazee (05:10):

Own standard, own standard.

Linda Frazee (05:11):

Now the three is doing it because it's the thing to do to get the approval. They might even say, it's the right thing to do too, but there's always an undercurrent for the three about getting the approval. And as I said, the one likes to know that their work is honest is honored and that, you know, that people get what it is, but it's not about trying to get approval from somebody else. It's about their own, own internal value system and their own internal standards, which are quite high. Which means that a one gets things done. They're most, always on time. They show up. If they say they're going to do it, they're going to do it. They're going to make sure it's right. They're extremely good at finding errors. And they, you know, they're really good for like editing things like that and can even get irritated when they're reading a fiction book and they find errors, cause they can't understand how anybody would ever have an error in, in a book. I mean because the…

New Speaker (06:10):

Who would publish a book with an error in it?

Linda Frazee (06:12):

That's right. Now why would that ever happen? Why, you know? And so they, but they, and, quality control. I mean there is a place in our world that we would not be as safe as we are in this world if we didn't have ones as quality control. Because they can immediately, they're building bridges, they're going, no, this is not good enough. It has to be stronger. They're flying our planes. They're going, no, I'm not going to take this plane off with this thing that's broken. Somebody else might go, oh, well it's fine. It's just a small thing.

Bill Soroka (06:42):

Put some duct tape on it. It's all….

Linda Frazee (06:44):

A one is going no way. We're not, we're only, we're going to do this in the safest way possible. So ones come to the table with a lot of good resources and they're admirable in their ways of, of doing things. And again, this thing of being driven is, is tremendous. And of course they have their, their drawbacks as we all do as well or challenges.

Bill Soroka (07:08):

Sure. They're really good at the scheduling component too. Right? Is this where I know we've you and I have talked about this and we're going to talk about this at length even more, but that one has helped me going to my one, tapping into my one has helped me where I was resistant the most with the organization, the habits, the routine,

New Speaker (07:28):

Right. Is that a characteristic trait of theirs?

Linda Frazee (07:32):

Yes. That is a characteristic trait because it's about what needs to get done and they're, they're going to stay up if they need to get it done. And not only were they going to get it done, they're going to get it done right. And they have kind of, one of their superpowers is to be able to look at a project or something before them and see all the details that need to be done. And they actually enjoy those details. And I say that because neither Bill, nor I inherently enjoy the details. Can we do them? Yes, we can. Have we learned to do what we have to do? Yes. But do we enjoy them? Not really, but ones enjoy 'em it's like, oh, give me all the details. You know, I want to want to know it all. I want to, so I can put the puzzle together of the scheduling or the, you know, or, whatever the proposal or whatever that they're working on. They really, really want to get into that.

Linda Frazee (08:25):

Now, now the resentment is an important part because there's some, some interesting things about the ones. So I want to talk a little bit about the family of origin possibilities.that of course are, can be a factor. And not everyone has this, but often there is someone in the family, a parent or babysitter or mother, father, grandmother, somebody who is very, very strict and is very, and is a black and white thinker. They may not be a one, but they there's a right and a wrong for them. And you want to, and they raise this child with that as an edict. Like, no, that's not the right shirt to wear. It. Doesn't match your pants. No, that's not the way we hold your spoon. You do it this way. No, no, no, no, no, not that way.

Linda Frazee (09:09):

And so there's, there's a lot of rules and regulations. Now, people will often say, well, I think that I'm a one because my father was very strict. And I'll say, well, did you have any brothers and sisters? Well, yeah, I did. Well. How did they fair? Oh, well they didn't listen to my dad at all. They were in trouble the whole time. So there's a genetic predisposition meets the family of origin. And there, you know, very often for a one there's somebody who's very strict who has very strong ideas of what's right and wrong. And that gets imprinted in the already kind of genetic setup for this one. Who's going okay, good. I can pony up to that. Where brothers and sisters might say, forget it. I mean, they may get in trouble all the time. They may push back. They may argue. They don't care if it's done right.

Linda Frazee (09:54):

They may even rebel and do it purposely wrong, but not the one. The one is the person who's leading with the one is a little child, can get in there, can figure out what the right way, listens very closely. Okay. That's the way we do the dishes. That's where we put these things. Okay. And they do it. Got it. So it it's fascinating. Now it is one of the things it comes up often is in a typing interview and a typing interview is when you meet with someone who is an Enneagram professional, and they just ask you a bunch of questions, not right or wrong, but kind of guide you to think back throughout your life, is tell me about your internal critic.

Linda Frazee (10:33):

Because we all have an internal critic. You know, if you're reasonably healthy, , you know, just the average healthy, you're going to have an internal critic. And then sub voice that say, no, no, no, don't do this. Well, yeah, you can't do that. And what are you thinking about that? Or I can't believe you did that or the, the thing you should do is, and everybody's got this background noise. However, I'm going to ask anybody, listening on a scale of one to five, if one is a little and five is a lot, how loud and how often do you hear this internal critic? And because it's always there for all of us, but for a one it's on all the time.

Bill Soroka (11:10):

And I remember you saying too, that on the one, the inner critic is especially harsh or cruel. Is that true? Did I hear that Correctly?

Linda Frazee (11:21):

Yes. It's because, it's just like, it's, it's ready to pounce at the least little bit of anything that you didn't do right. And so I often, this is pretty graphic, but I often say everybody has a, a critical parent, but once have a hatchet. I mean, they're just, they're just really there. And they're really, really strongly critical to the person themselves. And so what happens is that plays out inside themselves, whatever you see, as far as a critical one might be, whatever is happening inside of them is, you know, ten times stronger. So there's this tendency, sometimes you can even feel this criticalness just by walking into a room or you meet somebody for the first time and you can kind of pick this up immediately that, that there's some criticalness there. And it's sometimes you feel it physically I mean maybe they haven't even said anything, you know. But you can just feel maybe the way they look at you, whatever. And as someone gets to know themselves, they begin to realize that. And one of the growth points for all of us on the Enneagram is that once we identify something within us, then we have the potential of shifting and changing it.

Bill Soroka (12:33):

Yeah. That awareness is key.

New Speaker (12:35):

Now, but if you don't have the, if you don't, if you're not aware of it it's just the way you roll. And, and so what's the problem, you know, . Yeah.

Bill Soroka (12:44):

And then there's that whole assumption that everybody acts that way. So you're just normal. Is the, is the criticism that they feel ins side or that inward focus criticism? Is it the same as outwardly focused as well? Are they critical of others?

Linda Frazee (13:01):

Yes. Yes. Until they they learn and that's when the judgment comes in, sometimes called the judge because these are very strong black and white people. So there's a right and wrong for everything; how you tie your shoes, how you put your cereal, your, your milk and your cereal in the morning, how you feed the cat, you know, whether you're long enough. What's that?

New Speaker (13:22):

How you Drive.

Linda Frazee (13:23):

How you drive. Everything is judged instantly. That's not right. That's wrong, you know? No. Why are they doing that? And that takes us back to that interesting fact, because ones assume that everybody has got that same strong internal critic. And as I said, we do, but not as strong as theirs. And so therefore, how could they be doing this? So these people just must be stupid. You know, how could they, or they're just really wrong, you know, because they're not trying to be right. And since you only think in black and white, right and wrong, if they're not, not doing it right. Except that the one at that point may not get that's to their high standards. Everybody else has their own standards, but because of the black and white thinking, like everybody should be like this. So they're, they spend a lot of time being just, just odd and just can't believe why are these people doing these things? Hm. Because, you know, why is that driver doing that? Because that's not right. You're supposed to drive between the lines what's going on with them, you know? And, and so it's, it's really a revelation. And I'd say that probably I've had people truly in their seventies and eighties learn this for the first time and just be totally amazed that other people haven't, I mean, they're going, now, I understand my gosh. I thought they, everybody thought like I did, and I couldn't figure out why they were doing these stupid things.

Bill Soroka (14:48):

Right.

Linda Frazee (14:50):

You know? So, so there's a lot of angst that can go with it. There's a lot of anxiety and discomfort that can go on for this one who's looking at the whole world going, why are they doing it that way?

Bill Soroka (15:03):

Does that cause separation, do you think? And what, because they, they do, they distance themselves from people they think are making wrong choices and they should be making right choices?

Linda Frazee (15:15):

It can, and, and again, we're making the assumption that the only way they're going to find this out is through the Ingram. And of course, that's, that's a, a big place to, to learn it. But just as we all learn, as we learn and grow in, in dealing with people certainly body that's had a job where you had a review they probably have heard the words that you're, you know, you're really critical, you know people are afraid of you. You know, that you're too sharp at times. And you know, and so there's lots of people who have along the line learned to kind of, you know, be softer in approach to be more diplomatic, because it means something to them. And also home relationships; a real common kind of thing that I have had the, the privilege of facilitating several times have been like a mother or daughter and this one in particular, I'll never forget.

Linda Frazee (16:08):

They came in and the daughter said, well, you were mad at me last night. My mother said, no, I wasn't mad. What are you talking about? She said, we were washing the dishes. And my mother says, yeah. And she said, yeah, you were slamming those dishes around. Every time you put 'em down, you were putting 'em down. I did not. Mother says, no. She said, I was just putting the dishes down. They just kind of bumped into each other. Daughter said, mom, I know when you're mad at me. And mom is astounded because she thinks she's got it hidden.

Bill Soroka (16:36):

That's creeping out.

Linda Frazee (16:37):

And it's creeping out. That's resentment. Another illustration, I would say, anytime, you're late for an appointment at a doctor's office and you walk in and there's somebody there behind the counter and they look at you and you say, gee, I'm sorry, I'm late. And they look at you with this assessment and say, yeah, I noticed that. And it's like ice.

Bill Soroka (16:55):

Yeah.

Linda Frazee (16:56):

And, and, and they didn't, yeah. They didn't ream you out. They didn't, you know, have a hissy fit, none of that, but just this ice, like yeah. Yep. You're late. Idiot. You know, that's really what you're getting, you know? And so once that's one of the blind spots for the, they don't often realize they really think it's hidden because, you know, see the, the good person and they want to be a good person at all. Costs would not be angry. So I'm not going to show that I'm going to swallow that. And I think I've gotta clearly hidden, but boy can, they, they can ice you and they, and that shows and anybody who lives with a one can feel that and know it.

Bill Soroka (17:40):

Ooh, I could. Yeah. I could totally see that. And it sounds different than typical passive aggressive behavior because they're not doing it intentionally. Right?

Linda Frazee (17:49):

No, in fact, the defense mechanism is just the opposite ones typically act entirely differently than they feel. And so let's say that they have had a business altercation with somebody on the phone or on Zoom or something, and now there's a conference and they, so what are they do when they see that person, they go up and say, hello, John, it's so good to see you. You know, I'm so glad you're here. And that's not at all how they feel. They're really feeling like how dare you do that to me and blah, blah, blah. So they cover it in just the opposite way. So…

Bill Soroka (18:26):

Does that cause distrust in relationships then? Does it make them appear two faced or?

Linda Frazee (18:33):

Well, it can, of course, you know, these are all ex, kind of exaggerated sort of scenarios I'm giving you. Depends on how, how warm the person can be.

Linda Frazee (18:45):

You know, certainly if a one is, someone leading with a one could have a strong two wing and that could make them more affable and sort of engaging. And it might, they may never know that. But somebody who, who doesn't have a strong two wing and maybe on the three and, you know, and then they, you know, in some way they're still irritated about the episode could show up, you know? So I think that probably the biggest thing for a one is to understand that the more critical they get at somebody else, their own needs aren't being met. So if they find themselves, once someone identifies the fact that they're leading with the one on the Enneagram, then they're going to be watching out for times when they're critical of other., Because it's, it's such a, an ongoing thread, just like, it's an ongoing thread about how critical they are themselves.

Linda Frazee (19:41):

You know, they're just, you know, they're driving the car, look at that person who's driving. What, what kind of car, why don't they wash their car? That, that car is just look at the trash over there. I mean, I had one woman who said she drive down a certain street because people threw out trash and it bothered so much. She had to go a different way because she was focused on it. Wasn't right. You don't throw things outta your car or why, what, who isn't picking that up. And so it bothers so much. So here they are, they're driving down the road and they're going through all of this and if they don't catch themselves, you know, it just kind of morph and gets bigger and bigger and bigger. So the first thing to do is learn to, oh, okay. I'm, I'm, I'm really critical today.

Linda Frazee (20:19):

I'm more critical than usual. So, and then ask yourself, so why what's going on for me? Well, you know, the first time we ask ourselves these questions and it's usually, we come back with an outside thing, like, well, so, and so did such and such. And then the answer to that is say, well, let's assume that that's an irritation, but that isn't really what's bothering me. What is it about me? And, and it could be, well, I'm tired today. I don't really feel like going to work. You know, I worked all weekend, you know, maybe I raked leaves all weekend. You know, I, I cleaned the house all weekend. Well, nobody, nobody was there and nobody even appreciated it. You know. So, you know, the more irritated and critical you get of others very often is this sister for all of us, but particularly for ones, because they're not very good at getting their own needs met.

Bill Soroka (21:12):

Seems like a common theme with a lot of these numbers. Right?

New Speaker (21:16):

Well, it is, it's a common theme with all people in general, but there's there's a different, again, we go back to motive. Why doesn't the one get her needs met or his needs met because they're busy doing the right thing often at work or for the children or the house or the people next door or their boss or their loved ones or whatever. There's a right thing about it, but there's, so they do it for the right thing. And there's the right thing. The two is doing it for others to hopefully get approval. The three is doing it for others to get rewards about their, their approval, to who, but about their performance basically, and be told they're good. The four will do it if they feel like it or might not ff they do it creatively. The five is not, not so worried about doing the right thing, but does it fit into their schedule?

Linda Frazee (22:03):

The six will do it certain sixes because it's the, the loyal thing, because they're loyal. The seven will do it. If they kind of like the four, if they kind of feel like it, if they have time to do it, you know, or, or how, how they've developed to their one. And the eight will again do it if they feel like it, maybe but their own idea is a little bit different. It's more about protecting someone rather than, you know, just, it's all about taking care of somebody rather than the right way. And and they don't have as high of a standard inside. That's more personal the right way. And the nine will do it because they'll do what they think they should be doing because they want to avoid themselves and they want to avoid any conflict that might come up.

Linda Frazee (22:53):

Yeah. So, but out of all of these, the one very frequently is the most driven.

Bill Soroka (23:01):

Driven to get stuff done.

Linda Frazee (23:02):

To get stuff done, to do it right. But to get, you know, to get it done is important, but getting it done right is more important. So so a couple of key elements for the one is this internal critic. Again, we all have it, but how, how much is it and how much resentment do you carry? You know, so again, everybody can have resentment. So that sounds like a sort of a blank, slight question. But throughout your life, how much of resentment has been just there? I mean, are you still thinking, gee, when I was in third grade, you know, Harold stepped on my foot, you know, I mean, you know, dare he do that and believe me, there are people that do remember such things like that.

Linda Frazee (23:47):

If, if you don't, then that's more typical, but that can happen. And I want to give you some quotes from ones that will help you too, because because ones are so used to having things done right. That they can seem really bossy. So one says, I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing. Another one might say, I'm not really a control freak, but I can show you the right way to do that.

Bill Soroka (24:17):

I think I've used that actual line yeah.

Linda Frazee (24:22):

So I, and we probably all have, and that I like this one, make sure your worst enemy doesn't live between you and your own two ears.

Bill Soroka (24:31):

Oh, that's great.

Linda Frazee (24:32):

Yeah, because the one that's, you know, whispering, you didn't do that. Right. You didn't do that. That's that's really important. So so I think that the, that what gets blocked in one of these things is important.So what gets blocked when you have a really active internal critic and you're looking at the world as black and white, well, it's hard to relax in a world where things aren't right. I've had, you don't take risks. Yeah. I've had, I've had people who lead with one tell me that they stay in a hotel and they don't like the art. They have to take the art down cuz they can't relax cause it doesn't match or it doesn't, it isn't, you know, it isn't harmonious to their eyes is not right. Wow. Take it down and turn it around. They get really frustrated if it's bolted on .

Linda Frazee (25:21):

And so the personal pleasure and ability to accept themselves as they are and accept their own needs, wants, and feelings and the world as it is, and the ability to relax and experience serenity.

Bill Soroka (25:44):

Sounds awesome. How do they do it?

Linda Frazee (25:48):

Well, it's a process. First of all, ones are usually so busy that they didn't even notice they were missing serenity mm-hmm and they look at some people who are just laying on the couch, relaxed, happy as, as can be as lazy. And no one wants to be thought of as lazy. And even reading they often feel like they should read something that matters that they're learning something. They have a hard time just reading a book for pleasure that doesn't really mean anything, just some novel fiction that doesn't have some deeper meaning because it should be something that they're doing to improve and, and get better and all of that. And you know, personal growth. So that's another thing I should mention. Personal growth is another thing to do. So ones are very, very busy and, and doing personal growth things.

Linda Frazee (26:42):

They listen to podcasts the time they listen to they, they look, TED talks, they look up things they're, you know, and how could they learn about that? Because they love to learn. This is another good thing about ones they they're always in learning. They're always in self improvement. I have several clients who are ones who are in their seventies, almost nearing 80, and they're, they're getting another master's degree. They're getting their PhD. They're getting whatever, because it's never too late.

Linda Frazee (27:10):

I mean, this constant need for improvement because they can always see what needs to be improved. And they have the energy behind it to follow up. Now we all might be able to see what it needs to be improved. We might even be able to self assess and say, gosh, yeah, I really do need to go on a diet or I need to exercise more. I need to, you know join a club that's, you know, to learn to do this new thing, whatever. But the ones don't just think about it. They do it because self-improvement is so important and they really have, have a hard time trying to understand why people, other people wouldn't want to do that.

Bill Soroka (27:49):

Yeah. Wow. I, I think I have a really strong one. One aligned over one. Linda, this sounds so familiar.

Linda Frazee (27:58):

Yeah, you do. Yes. yeah. And, and you know, next time, our last podcast of this series, we'll go over all of those of connections and, and things that we can develop in all of those. Because we really are a combination of five numbers. One we lead with that's from our genetic predisposition, but then we have some, some other important aspects of ourself that's like money in the bank or can be things we trip . Yeah. And so you know, one it's it's like, for instance, so one is usually on time. I think I've mentioned that and they like to be early, actually. They prefer on time for them as being five or 10 minutes early that's that's because then they're prepared and because they're organized and they want to be prepared, they want to be on time. And so you imagine how a nine, they are with a nine who's like, oh, well, whenever I get there, if I'm 10 or 15 minutes late, that's close enough to me for time, you know,

Bill Soroka (28:55):

Probably drives them crazy. Right. Yeah. Right.

Linda Frazee (28:58):

They can drive each other crazy with that. But I think you had said something about a question that I want to come back to. Do you remember what it was? You said

Bill Soroka (29:08):

I don't remember the question, but I think where you were, oh yes. It was about, you know, finding serenity, like how do they, how do they move towards serenity?

Linda Frazee (29:19):

Well, the first thing is to begin to notice how little time they have in their life that's not, that's not scripted or called for or in between things. So because and, and to learn how to quiet their mind from what's next, what's next, what's next what's next? You know, because you know, it's like flipping the pages of a book it's like, what's next and just letting themselves sit. So sometimes, and I may have mentioned this with other types, but it's really true for ones, if they're not already meditating or relaxing on a regular basis, just start out by practicing five minutes of doing nothing. And boy, is that hard for a one? I mean, like if they've got patio or a porch or something, someplace, they can go outside and sit outside when it's not too hot or cold, wherever they live, just noticing the you know, let's say they stay in their backyard and then just looking out at the backyard. Immediately, they're going to go, oh, that tree is right.

Linda Frazee (30:19):

I should get out there and trim that tree. Look at that Rose Bush. Oh, I forgot to feed it. Okay. But I should go again, you know, and they have to really say to themselves, no, I'm just saying, I'm just observing. I'm just noticing. Well, it looks like it might rain. I better go and get an umbrella. No, don't just sit there and just sit there and be. So the way their mind jumps up instantly to what I need to do, what I need to fix, what isn't right. You know, I've never noticed that that fence was only painted up to there. I need to put another coat of paint on that, you know, I mean, that's just an automatic reaction. So that's the very first thing. If you, if you're beginning to resonate with some of these things I've said to coming back to yourself on a regular basis and start with like five minutes a day. And you know, notice how much you're thinking about what's next and what you need to do.

Linda Frazee (31:07):

And what's the right thing to do. And then also begin to notice how much criticism you have of yourself and of others. And, and little by little, you know ratchet that down, which is easier said than none. Of course. My, my oldest client who was a one came in at 87 and said she knew she had found herself on the Enneagram in some venue and realized she was a one. And she said, I've come in because I don't think that I know anything about serenity and I'm not sure I have really been and entirely happy one day in my life. And now I'm coming the end of my life. And I'd like, like to do that. So we talked about it and she had this vicious, vicious, internal critic that was just running her life. And I said, well, you've gotta talk back to it.

Linda Frazee (31:54):

I said, what do you mean? Talk back to it? I said, well, you've got to, if, if you're by yourself, talk out loud to it. Well, I couldn't do that. And she, well, what if somebody heard me? I said, well, you can do it when you're by yourself. Well, I'm practically never by myself. I said, well, what about when you're driving? Why can't I do it when I'm driving? I mean, what will people say? They'll think I'm talking to myself. I said, I think you have Bluetooth in your car. And we, and she, we went around and around about this and two or three sessions. And finally she came in and she said, I did it. I said, what happened? It was quiet. So when you take, when you take authority of your own internal credit can say, no, I'm not going to listen to that. I didn't ask your opinion. No, I'm not going to listen. It doesn't happen the very first time you do it. But if you do it over and over and say, no, no, I know that's not true. You know, no, I'm not going to listen to that. Eventually it quiets down

Bill Soroka (32:46):

What becomes possible when a one is at their healthiest.

Linda Frazee (32:50):

Well, they are able to see down the road of what can be a problem very much like a six, but and what's right. And they have high integrity, extremely high integrity about making sure that they lead a company, an organization themselves. If they're an entrepreneur, they, they really can assess quickly the right and the wrong way of doing things, not from a, just a, a black and white kind of standpoint. But boy, the thing with the most highest integrity they can be great about teaching others and helping others improve themselves without jumping over boundaries because of their tendency to see immediately who needs help and that they're doing it the wrong way, they can jump over a boundary and offend people.

Linda Frazee (33:38):

But if they have are they're really healthy and they have learned about this aspect of themselves, they have the capacity to be much more diplomatic and really be able to look between the lines and see just exactly how they can step in and help this person hopefully. They have been very successful entrepreneurs and have built many, many businesses because they're tenacious and they keep going forward. And you know, they don't just give up the first time they have a disappointment or don't feel like things have gone the way they want. They don't just collapse and fall apart. They toughen up and they go at it again because they've got a goal and they're driven and they're going to get there. So that's just a few, few things about them.

Bill Soroka (34:23):

Yeah. That's powerful. And you can see the clear value in focusing on the growth in the development of the one, right?

Linda Frazee (34:32):

Well, and it is for all of us, because the challenge is you know, the, any strength, overused is a weakness. So your capacity to be able to see what's right and wrong is an excellent tool to be able to grow a business, to see what's right or wrong for yourself to improve yourself. Those are all things. But if it's overdone, then you begin to be jumping over the fence as I said, and, and criticizing others and constantly criticizing yourself. And then you can actually get to the point where you can't even move forward, because you're so critical of yourself. You don't know what's right and wrong. Now, for instance, if we were to take this into your, your notary business, obviously you have to step out there and work with people. And the first couple times you do it and it's a maiden void. You mean, you don't know, no matter how much you've learned or are read or trained, you know, there's lots of mistakes to be had. Well, you just have to do it. And and after you've done it for a while, then you can trust yourself. And then, you know, it might be kind of tenacious the first few times you do it are nerve wracking, but then you know how to do it.

Bill Soroka (35:35):

Right. And we're coming….

Linda Frazee (35:38):

So, so it is with everything. So what helps is learning to observe your own and judgements and criticalness and realizing, as I said before, that it's a clue to your own repressed needs, taking, talking back out loud to the critic, naming the critics so it's not them. This is another thing that's very helpful. So let's say your name is Martha and you name your critical parent Kelly, you know, and so you, no, Kelly, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in talking to you about that. You know, so you see it's an aspect of you, but it isn't all of you. So you can really, you can actually use that.

Linda Frazee (36:16):

Now there's a universal teaching that from the wisdom of the Enneagram that I like. And it says when we are able to notice what we're doing to experience our current state completely, and without judgment, the old patterns will begin to fall away. So it's when we judge ourselves that we, those patterns deepen.

Bill Soroka (36:37):

That's when things get dicey. Yeah. Right.

Linda Frazee (36:41):

And here's another thing I like this. This is again from the good anonymous source. Perfectionism has its perks, means you care about things and you do things well, it's when it becomes sort of like an addiction and you can't enjoy your achievements you become self-destructive because nothing about yourself is good enough. Striving for the best and aiming high is okay as long as it's realistic and you can take yours and other people's flaws with good humor.

Bill Soroka (37:10):

Oh, we don't know who said that?

Linda Frazee (37:12):

No, that's anonymous.

Bill Soroka (37:14):

Oh, that's wow. That's deep.

Linda Frazee (37:16):

Here's another one. That's very good. And this is from Jennifer. James; recognize perfection as an illusion, not a desirable way to live. Don't confuse it with excellence. Enjoy your successes, laugh at your failures and learn from them. Relax, become less competitive and critical. Enjoy life instead of controlling it.

Bill Soroka (37:40):

That should be a bumper sticker. Yeah. For somebody's desk.

Linda Frazee (37:45):

Yes, yes. Yeah. That, what else comes up for you about, about this Bill?

Bill Soroka (37:52):

Well, a lot of related relatability here too, and I love that we've talked about the pitfalls. I love that we've talked about the strengths that a one brings to the table. I think this is a good place to, to wrap up. Do you have any other final thoughts on the one?

Linda Frazee (38:17):

Well, I would say that just like all other types, there are, are tremendous strengths and some challenges and recognizing your challenges, which is basically what these quotes have had to say about 'em and what we've talked about already, strength allows you to access more of your strengths. And and so, you know, we, we need you once we need you in the world, you, you give a lot of service, a very valuable service, and we don't want you really laying awake nights going over everything that you did that you think might have been not been right. And worrying about those things and losing a good night's sleep. We need you to be sharp the next day. We need you to know that that you're going to make mistakes, that you're human and part of the human capacity is to make mistakes. And we all learn from 'em and, and you'll be okay.

Linda Frazee (39:10):

And I have a couple of last things here at add, the grandest seduction of all is a myth that doing everything better gets us where we want to be. It gets us somewhere, certainly, but not anywhere worth being.

Linda Frazee (39:29):

And the last one is, this is from CS Lewis. Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.

Bill Soroka (39:36):

It's one of my favorite quotes ever. Yeah. I love that. Great way to close it out. Linda, thank you so much for joining us again for these bonus episodes, with the Side Hustle Lounge talking about the Enneagram. This was the number one. We got this whole bonus series for you, and if you'd like to learn more about the, Enneagram and explore more about with Linda specifically with her Authentic Wisdom Community, you can visit lindafrazee.com. Got all the links to that in our VIP room at sidehustlelounge.com/ VIP. Linda. Thank you so much, being here again with us.

Linda Frazee (40:16):

Thank you Bill.

Bill Soroka (40:16):

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Bill

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